Happy 5th birthday
Five years gone since my sweet baby girl was fighting for life in the incubator and it feels like it was only yesterday.
In one way, I can’t believe she’s so big now and will be starting big school in 3 weeks. On the other hand it feels like it’s been 10 or more years, considering all that we went through. Every year, on this day I’m thinking about that day in 2012, how mad it was…
In the morning I’m going to work, a few hours later I’m rushing to maternity hospital, and few more hours later she’s here.
A miracle baby. Because She is my miracle.
S. starts big school in September. She calls it big school as a play-school was her small school 🙂 It’s a huge change for her and for our life. Am I nervous? YES. ABSOLUTELY. It’s a whole new chapter. Not only is it a whole new environment with new kids and teachers- 30 kids with only two teachers while in playschool there was 3 teachers in a group of 10 children. But also longer hours and new routine, to juggle catheterization and the rest.
I’m not worried about how will she fit in. Even tho S. is shy, she will make new friends and meet few old friends from playground and playschool.
I’m trying not to worry about how other kids will act IF/WHEN they discover she’s still in the nappies. We will deal with it if/when this happens. S. knows her bladder doesn’t work like other people and that’s why she needs to be catheterize. It’s natural to her and I’d like to believe if she will be asked about, she will be able to explain it without being upset.
Every now and then she asks why can’t she use the toilet like other kids and grown ups. I always say she can if she wants, if she feels like it. I haven’t told her yet it’s pointless as she has no control over it. I might be naive but I secretly think if I won’t say it out loud maybe it will change… There is reality I live in and I’m very down to earth. And there is them little moments when I allow myself to dream it can change.
Dear S. You are amazing 5 years old girl. You love to sing and make up songs, you love music and dancing, you are great at art work, very creative. You have a big heart, always have a hug for your friends and share with those who have less. You are smart. You love books and recently you signed your own card in library. You are wonderful and caring sister for your little brother.
I’m proud of you.
I love you.